Not too long ago, I popped into Whole Foods on the way home from work to pick up a few last minute dinner necessities. My husband was feeling sick with a cold, so he waited in the car.As I perused the lemon selection, a young Hispanic woman approached me, index card in hand, and asked me for money. The index card said something to the effect of “will you help me feed my kids?” The young woman handed the card to me to read, looking up at me with this sad puppy-dog look in her eyes.
I am immediately torn. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind, the first being our extremely tight budget. We live in D.C. and our mortgage is unbearably high. We are still paying off college debts, and have just a few dollars left at the end of the month for our savings account. Yet we do give regularly to our church, and above and beyond to other established ministries and needs. But here I am, accosted by a woman in the produce section, asking me for some cold green cash, and I hesitate.
Now in theory, this random opportunity for generosity should be a no-brainer. In my “free time” I claim to be the big mission trip goer, non-profit worker, justice-seeking advocate for the poor. Yet on this night I am caught with my guard down. I left my holy hat in the car and stood there, lemons in hand, mouth gaping, looking like a deer in headlights, while this poor woman waits on me to respond to her need.
The truth is, somewhere in my gut I had a strong sense that this woman was running a scam on me. Out of everyone in the store, why did she single me out? Was it a divine intersection or did I have easy target written on my forehead? And why did she come to Whole Foods instead of the more price conscious Giant down the street?
After an uncomfortable silence, I check my wallet and I had nothing. So I told her, “Sorry. No cash.” Her response was, “Well, you could just buy my groceries for me.”
I look around and the place is packed. So I turn to her ask why she was asking me. Her response was indignant, “Are you going to help me or not?”
Then she got angry with me. “What, you’re not going to help me feed my children?” she exclaimed.
I ignored her, and moved on to the limes while she moved on to a middle-aged balding man who immediately reported her to the Whole Foods employee stocking the potatoes.
I considered calling my husband who was waiting in the car to ask him what I should do, but he was sick, and he’s really indecisive when he is sick, so I decided not to call him and moved on to the bread aisle with the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:32-46 ringing in my ears.
Not thirty seconds later, my cell phone rings. It’s my husband calling me from the car. “Hey babe, I just wanted to let you know that I am coming into the store with some lady who asked me to buy her some food.”
What?
“No babe she already approached me and I told her no because we can’t afford it,” I replied. He said it couldn’t have been the same lady and that he was already on his way in. We decided to meet back at the car when we were finished and hung up.
I finished my shopping in utter remorse. I am such a bad Christian, a bad wife, a bad servant. Why didn’t I just buy the lady some food? What are the chances that at the exact same moment I am approached by a beggar, my husband is too–and he says yes without hesitation!
After I finished my shopping I moped back to the car where my husband was waiting. He bought his lady $100 worth of veggies and laundry detergent which we probably could’ve got for $50 at the Giant down the street. We compared notes and it definitely wasn’t the same woman; two different women, working the Whole Foods the same night last, one inside and one out in the parking lot.
Was it a scam? What it sincere? Who did the right thing? Me and my cynical gut or my generous husband? Will we ever know? Why am I laden with guilt? I swear I felt like the woman who approached me was pulling a fast one. I mean, who does that? Coming up to shoppers and begging while you are trying to take care of your own family on your own budget? I know how awful this sounds, but I really felt like she was scamming me.
All the while, my sweet, dear, humble, giving, Christian husband was already on his way in to buy groceries for the woman in the lot.
What would you have done? Would you chastise me for being a hypocrite, encourage me for humbly admitting my sins in a public forum or high five me for listening to my gut?
Just some food for thought.
Wow AL. What a challenging entry that really gives us all something to mull over in a city where we can all expect to have similar encounters. Thanks for your willingness to share with us and give is something to think and pray about.
That same thing has happened to me before. I acted in the same way you did, and my boyfriend (at the time), reacted in the same way your husband did, without thinking. To him it was simple. Your fellow man asks you for help, you give it, just as Jesus gives us help and grace (as Todd was mentioning on Monday) EVERY single day. But for me, I was more of the doubter, and it wad my foolish pride and fear (I am a #2 person that Todd talked about on Feb. 4th) that stood in the way of the opportunity that God blatantly put before me.
Actually, the same thing happened to me too. I was at the Whole Foods in Falls Church/Tysons. I was with my friend Nick, who, without hesitation ran inside and bought her a gift card to Whole Foods, came back out and prayed with her, faster than I could even process the situation. I think that if God had put me there alone I would have bailed on the whole thing, “Sorry lady I don’t have any cash.” Regardless of whatever that woman was there for, be it food or a scam, I think God was using it as a teaching point for me. Who cares what she needed that money for? God sent me to that Whole Food mart with possibly the most humble and giving friend in my life, let the situation play out, and taught me by showing me live, in-person, exactly how He would have acted in that situation.
I think I know what to do now. Sometimes God is trying to help us in those situations as much as he wants us to help someone else.
What’s difficult about this area is that there are many people who need help. However, I’ve had many instances that beggars really want money, and not much else.
I’m afraid all of these experiences has left a bad taste in my mouth. I will never give anyone money. I won’t even buy them food. I will, however, give them water.
While I agree that we should take care of the poor, God instructs us to be good stewards of what he has given us.
The question I have learned to ask myself is “Will they beg if they could afford it or if they had?” I mean, does this woman have money in the bank and food on her shelf and then looks at them and say “I think I will go to Wholefoods now and beg for some more”?. I am convinced that 9 out of 10 times the need is genuine, especially when the person says they can have the food instead of the money.
Above this however, we have been called to give, blessed to be a blessing, “Freely you have received, freely give” Mat 10:8.
I had a relatively similar experience a few years ago. I had come home from college and was hanging out in a bookstore. This black guy approaches me and says he’s trying to get back home and could I give him some money. I was a bit startled, because I hadn’t been approached in a store before. I hemmed and hawed but decided to listen to his story. He said he had lost his wallet and that he worked up at a race track in San Francisco (we were in Pasadena part of Southern California). I was going to give him a few bucks, but I finally got the courage to say so, he said he thought I was going to help him all the way with the money for the trip and to eat along the way. I ended up taking him and me in a taxi from Pasadena to my parents house a few cities away and giving him the money I had gotten from selling my college textbooks around $300. He had wanted my address before to pay me back, I had been hesitant and he said do you think I’m going to steal from you and got all offended. Course after the money changed hands, I never heard from him again.
During that whole time I was desperately praying that this guy wouldn’t come back to hurt me and my family and asking God if this was Him bringing this beggar to me. In retrospect, I was probably pretty foolish bringing him back to my house. I’m thankful that nothing bad happened afterwards. But during the experience, I found it pretty shocking how difficult it was for me to give him money. I’ve given to beggars before, but no beggar had ever asked for me to meet his “need”.
I find Linus’ comment a little amusing. I can recall a time when we just had guest ministers come to our services (at a different church) and in the same month, two different people used the same verses to say that we should always give when asked by a beggar and that we should be stewards of ourselves and the beggars and not give them money. Today, I generally don’t give beggars money. I buy them food and something to drink (not alcoholic). And after Todd’s sermon, been making more of an effort to just talk or say hi to beggars. There’s a homeless shelter near where I work and I remember giving this beggar with a sign some money. I passed that area a few days later and saw him with the same sign, but this time I saw the back of it and it happened to be the cover of a paper beer container. And in my mind, I thought maybe I shouldn’t have given the beggar money.
As I read everyone’s comments, I go back to the same question that haunts me about situations like this…am I responsible for the results or am I simply called to give, in Christ’s name? I wonder if I gave and sincerely shared with them that I was giving this, not in my name, but in Christ’s name in gratefulness for all He has so freely given me, would it open the door for me to share the Gospel and in turn see a soul won to the Kingdom?
Dear AnnieLaurie,
Thanks for sharing your story. If it had been me, I would have acted the way you did, but that’s just me.
A couple of questions come to mind, though:
1 – Your husband, on the other hand, acted without hesitation and gave $100 of food & detergent to the other woman. If he is usually indecisive when he is ill, how or why did he act differently here?
2 – You did your financial “due diligence” and found that you and your husband have some challenges making ends meet. You were shopping at a Whole Foods store, which I have heard referred to as Whole Paycheck (although their house brand items are priced reasonably). Is this a habit? If so, are there reasons why? If your budget for groceries is $200/month (which doesn’t buy a lot of food at Whole Foods) you can save $40-$50 per month by opting for Giant or Safeway. Would you like to give more generously or consistently? If so, could finding ways to cut back on your budget help you get there?
3 – Finally, I often hear & trust “you cannot outgive God” and “God owns the cattle on a thousand hills”. I am curious, how did this play out? As a result of your husband’s generosity, you found yourselves $100 lighter. If God approved of this gift, what and how did He move in your life?
Again, thanks for the story. I’m sure there is more to it and perhaps more for me to learn, and I’d be happy to check the message board if you see this and offer a response.
Respectfully,
a frontliner.
I understand your thought process, but I think God calls us to serve and help the poor and needy. And for that we will be rewarded. But remember God is the justly one, so if the person asking for money or food is a liar, then rely on God to judge that person.
The most valuable thing we could give in these situations is the Christ’s love. How can we best share the good news about Christ in these situations?
Thanks to everyone who has left a comment here. I think this is a very healthy dialogue and a great topic for the body of Christ to chew on relative to the poor among us.
Since someone asked, I wanted to clarify that my family does not typically shop at Whole Foods. My mother in law was in town and we wanted to cook her some Chicken Piccata. The closest store to our house is a Whole Foods and all I needed was some lemons which I forgot to purchase on my weekly grocery run.
So please know that we are NOT frequent shoppers at “Whole Paycheck” but just figured we would make up in gas what we could have saved on two lemons at a different grocery store further away from our home.
The fact that this is not a usual stop on our weekly shopping list adds even more curiosity to the situation. Obviously God had a plan for my husband and I to have the same encounter with two uniquely different responses so that we could relate our experience with others in the Body.
Its exciting for both of us to read and absorb all the comments here and we welcome additional dialogue either directly via email, on this blog, or on my blog.
May we all be made more like Christ, as iron sharpens iron, through doing life together and sharing our struggles.
AnnieLaurie
I respect your desire to give to the weak. But if you want to do this, make a habit of regularly giving to a food pantry at MBC or another church who will also be good stewards of what you have given, and consider volunteering there (foodpantry@mcleanbible.org ).
When you give to someone who accosts you, they are likely to be the strongest of the weak. The weaker and the less aggressive won’t confront you and will continue to go hungry. The more aggresive probably won’t give God the credit and will think they just scammed another WF bleeding heart hippie.
This Sunday, you can put “Food Pantry” on the memo of an additional MBC check. The next time you are accosted, tell them the food pantry is open:
-1st and 3rd Saturdays, 10:00 am – 12:00 noon
-2nd and 4th Wednesdays, 7:00 pm – 8:30 pm
In Downtown DC, the Central Union Mission has also been a good steward. They are at 1350 R Street NW Washington, DC 20009
this is a very interesting but challenging dialogue!
i have been thinking about that topic for a long time and am not done with it, to be honest.
i live very close to a train central station which implies that there are many poor/needy people there. as much as wish to help everyone i just can’t meet everyone’s need. and there are a lot of people i know they will rather use the money for alcohol/drugs etc. some tell you some kind of story (and i would like to believe it but then you learn that this is their scam from other people they have asked for money before).
another thing is: i started to give rather food or bought some coffee than to give money. because i kinda want to know what they do with my money.
just a thought: if i give my money to someone do i have the right to decide what the person does with it?
very challenging…but important…and an everyday issue…especially when we think about what jesus asks us to do!
I think this was a brave blog to write and it created an interesting and thought-provoking discussion.
I am just disappointed that AnnieLaurie had to defend her decision to shop at Whole Foods. I feel it takes away from her entire point.
There is my two cents.